I received an anonymous e-mail this morning and have decided to publish it in full:
“Dear Dakota McKee,
I am writing to you because I noticed you recently began a series of profiles about space monsters with the intent of rallying support for a human Space Force. Implicit is the concern that the alien space monsters’ mothership presence in your solar system represents an existential crisis for Mother Earth, and by proxy, America.
I share with you this concern. However, I want to emphasize, as a space monster myself, I am not at odds with the space monster agenda. I believe that leveling cities and burying bodies alive in the rubble has overall been good for both space monsters and humans alike. But unlike those who control the mothership, I do not believe that their methods are sound. I believe Lord Zrumpf to be an amoral and overzealous alien overlord. Rest assured, there are some space monsters including myself who have endeavored to reign in his most space-monstrous impulses.
It is important for humans to recognize that the best way to resist the space monsters is not through radical means such as creating a Space Force, which would damper the sympathies of space monsters such as myself towards your Earthly plight. But rather I implore the humans, during the upcoming truce negotiations, to instead seek a more galactic consensus, one that temporarily ignores grievances by human against space monster, in favor of a more pragmatic and deferential approach that is likely to garner support from the ranks of both space monsters and humans alike.
Feel free to reference this anonymous message on twitter with the hashtag: #notallspacemonsters.
Which space monster do you think wrote to me? Was it Jared from Starway? One of the Cohnheads? Two-headed mothership mainstay John-Kellyann-Neoconway? Number 2 Pence Ill? Let the Speculation Begin!