Dakota Riddles the Capital (With Riddles)

Riddle Me WMATA

What is always on track but never on time?

And creeps along a thin red line?

Sometimes Running, Never Moving

Public Services Disproving

District of Columbia Fire and Emergency workers at the site of a rush-hour collision between two Metro transit trains in northeast Washington, D.C. Monday, June 22, 2009. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Riddle Me Round and Round and Round and Then Round Some More

It sucks in traffic, bicycles as well

Like the lamest circle of hell,

Round and round like a toilet flushing

(something something something) soul crushing


Riddle Me Mealtimes

It isn’t breakfast

It isn’t lunch

It’s bottomless but also $39.95

Don’t guess a cheap hooker.


Riddle Me Racism

What moves as a storm front from west to east?

Shaking the ‘hood’ like a faulting shelf?

Composed of condos too luxurious to be leased,

foreshadowed by white poor students (myself)


Riddle Me A Little More Racism

What has no metro or persons brown,

Where everyone dresses like a fancy clown,

With a harbor where someone will probably drown,

And a happy hour that made me frown.


Riddle Me Football (and racism but this time native Americans)

They’re like a potato, but maybe more racist

A record that’s low…like a baritone bassist!

Will the season be long or end short? Nothing is revealed.

Not even the location of FedEx Field


Riddle Me Scandalous


You will find DC at the top of this club,

of men who’ve lost their naughty chub

The moral choice they chose to choose:

is cheating bad if you cheat and then lose?

Riddle Me Cosby


What’s full of cheesy saucy kitsch?

At two am the lines are a bitch.

While flavor costs extra for you and me,

infamous date rapists still get to eat free.

(also I was drunk last night and got a half smoke there on my way home, that makes me a hypocrite)


Please leave suggestions for more riddles; my goal is to have a large pool that I can draw from at open mic nights, I’ll read them aloud and ask people to call out the answers, giving out coupons for a coffee shop that no longest exists to the winners.


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